An excerpt from Heart of a Mother by Paula J. Fox
True mothers have to be made of steel to withstand the difficulties that are sure to beset their children. —Rachel Billington
It takes a lot of strength to be a mother, illustrated by the gladiola…a strong powerful flower that is a favorite in large arrangements because of its size. The name gladiola comes from a Greek word meaning “sword,” reminding us that a mother is a powerful force for her children. She is their advocate, always on their side, and is willing to fight for them against all adversity.
Watching the show Pose has really awakened alot of things in me that I have never really been able to articulate and felt is if others could not and did not understand.
The scene when Blanca is having the discussion with her sons dance instructor, "It's a different thing to be a mother who chooses her children. We gotta deal with our mistakes, and also the mistakes of the mother's who brought them into this world. We don't get the benefits of a clean slate. And I've seen a lot of mothers in my world use that as some sort of excuse for bad behavior. But not me! Once you're in my house, you're my responsibility."
I look at it as we truly have no choice over who becomes our children, for whatever reason God decides, these children become ours. I never take for granted the fact that God has placed these children in our lives and it is our duty and responsibility to guide them in the right direction. I have never taken lightly the responsibility of being a parent to any of my children lightly. I may not always see eye-to-eye with them; or even like the people that they grow into being. Yet, that will never change the fact that at the end of the day, I am their mother! I can't throw my children away like some piece of garbage! I love them with every fiber of my being! They each have given me something in the spirit that I was not able to experience in the physical.
The loss of a child whether by death, jail/prison, or otherwise is like having someone to rip your heart out of chest instantly and as harshly as possible. This is the second time that I have experienced the loss of child from death and no matter how many times you have experienced grief or death, nothing in this world can prepare you for that feeling of shock or deep seated pain that it brings. I have heard it said many times that it is not the natural order of things for a parent to have to bury a child. It hurts so bad to have to be the one to be strong for your children, friends and family when all you want to do is escape the world and cry for your baby.
I'm reminded of the song by Regina Belle "If I Could"
If I could I'd protect you From the sadness In your eyes Give you courage In a world Of compromise Yes, I would If I could I would teach you all the things I've never learned And I'd help you cross the bridges That I've burned Yes, I would If I could I would try to shield Your innocence From time But the part of life I gave you isn't mine I'll watch you grow So I can let you go
Lord knows that I would move literal mountains for my babies, yet the one thing that I can never do is shield them from this world. I want them to be able to experience all that life has to offer an the vast array of opportunities that it has to offer for them. My job as a parent is to be there to help them to pick up those broken pieces when things are somehow shattered. I can't protect them from everything in this cruel world, but what I can do is to equip them to be able to leap over the pitfalls of life that I have someone fallen into along my journey.
I will forever miss my babies that have now gone on to be with our heavenly Father. Although it doesn't hurt any less, but I promise you, it feels so much better to know that I will definitely see them again in that greater glory. Floyd and Terry, take care of each other. Love you.